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Thursday, October 19, 2006

Stay at home mom

So, I have a minute to post (i think)... i am staying at home these days and am relishing every moment of it. I love making noises and smiling at Autumn and watching her smile, laugh, stick her whole fist in her mouth, you name it and i am enjoying it. But, truth be told staying home is not easy. There are many things difficult and before I list a few of the top ten- keep in mind I am loving my time with Autumn... but in no particular order here are a few issues. In the next couple of weeks (the next time I may feel i have the time) i will try to blog about the GREAT things associated with staying at home- I owe at least that much to my optimistic husband :)

- tons of time to look at your home with a critical lens yet no time or money to attack the problems. Example, Our front room is like base camp for us and it is my least favorite room in the house- although we just painted it i haven't had time to hang anything on the walls, replace track lighting, remove the tacky ceiling fans or replace the furtniture that i am tired of.... so, while it is nice to see Oprah on occasion to do so in a room where you are accutely aware of it's design flaws is tough.

-lonely. Yep- even though i have this gorgeous hunk of love I get to spend time with- staying at home can be lonely. I go out and talk more with cashiers, storeclerks, people on the street ... but as far as somewhat fulltime companionship it is tough. I am trying to branch out- but let's be honest- after 30 it gets harder and harder to make friends (alright- after 25).

- jealous of my husband. Well, I have seen this happen with other women when they have babies- their husband will walk in the house at the end of the day and after they wipe the spit up off their chin and brush their unwashed hair out of their eyes they say "So, what was your day like... tell me.... tell me... don't forget anything... really... fascinating, interesting- a ham sandwich for lunch you say... wow! that is something". Matt has started curling again once a week and although i should just be happy for him to begin doing something that defines him and makes him feel whole, happy and talented- i feel myself being envious and counting the extra hours when I will be alone in the house. It is stupid and petty - but it is fact. The crazy thing is that when he is home and encourages me to get out and go do something I am at a loss for what to do.. what did i used to do? I imagine this temporary paralyzed feeling will fade... but it is going to take some work. This is an area that I am trying to focus on right now.

-domesticity. This could be viewed as a positive, but really it seems a bit much. I try and keep the house somewhat neat, which is something I never used to care about. now, I find myself frustrated if I can't take care of the girl, amuse her, care for her AND vacccum, do dishes, and keep the toilets on the good side of discusting... who needs this kind of pressure. When I was working- we got a cleaning lady for awhile and it was glorious- now on one income i feel it is my responsibility and it sucks....

as i said...staying at home is a great luxury and one I am super pleased to have.. but it doesn't come without a price. Stay tuned for the plus side of staying at home.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Rhonst,

You are beautiful, inside and out. I think of your laugh and it makes me laugh; sometimes on my way to work, sometimes at the bookstore, often when nothing around is at all funny. You're anything but alone. You made me smile many times today, and I'm thousands of miles away.

I don't think anyone has any idea what they were doing before. Yesterday, a week ago, a year ago. We wish we knew. Carpe Diem.

Yenst

Anonymous said...

Rhona,

I think you're doing a great job of coping with being at home and you're doing a great job of being a mom. love ya babes.

JFB said...

Hang in there Rhona. I felt the same way for about six months. Then I started to sign up for "mommy baby" classes and such. This is good for structured socializing but, more importantly, serves to help you realize that you are not the most insane mom out there. Not even close. Alternatively, if you want to learn how to curl, I know a few people who could show you how! :)

Anonymous said...

New mom,

Your blogging on staying at home brings back memories. Generally speaking, for the woman having a baby is a completely life-changing experience - nothing is the same, whereas the husband usually continues on with his current routine, maybe with some additional pressure to be the bread-winner. There's no pressure on a man to decide between working and staying home usually (with both options having their share of guilt). There's also the part-time option which can have the guilt of both the others (not with your child often enough yet not working/getting ahead enough). It really puts you in a tailspin, trying to find your way and yourself. I can completely relate to your stay at home issues, the cleaning (enough already!) and the home improvement. This is definitely where men and women often split on that issue. Prior to kids we were both really into home improvement, now my husband just sees a money pit. But, he's not home to see and live with these issues, he mostly sees/worries about the money. The wife is home much more and sees all the house issues that she has to deal with on a daily basis. Not to make men, or my husband, out to be ogres, it's just the way it currently works. Of course, we're about to begin a big home remodel so I can't complain (he's coming around)!

Wish I could offer better advice but you have to find your own way while staying true to yourself and your child. It's different for everyone and it's a struggle to find and maintain but hopefully having an understanding husband will help you along your journey. It certainly has for me.

Amy (former Matt coworker)