Monday, October 23, 2006

Lucky to be home

Well, now that I have talked about the rough parts of staying at home... i thought i would take a second to relish some of the many POSITIVE things associated at with staying at home.

I can start by telling you that I am wearing pj bottoms, a stained t-shirt and a bandana in my hair. This is a wonderful thing and something that really is the start of my list of pluses. Now, I have heard from other mothers that this can eventually be viewed as a negative... " It is one o'clock and I still haven't changed out of my pajamas@!#!@!!"... but for me- ... I may change later, but for now I couldn't be happier.

I should also tell you that right now Autumn is sleeping in her swing which she adores. Binky is in place, teething ring in her hand and she is comfortable during this morning nap... this is another wonderful time of the day. I just finished emailing with college friends about planning a 15year reunion weekend, spoke with my mother and refilled my coffee... I couldn't do this stuff at work (all right- maybe I could do all this at work but now without at least a tinge of guilt for not neglecting on my projects for 'the man').

Did I mention that Autumn is sitting in her swing? What i might have neglected to mention is how much joy I get just looking at her regardless of what she may be doing. Right now (aside from the small scratch on her face- damn! those fast-growing nails- got to get better about that).. .she is lovely and I get the chance to take a moment and revel in the fact that we have such a beautiful baby. Throughout the day I appreciate all these small moments we have together. Whether she is 'standing' on my lap with a big smile on her face, laughing from her belly at the many ridiculous and crazy noises I make at her, nursing peacefully, watching the dog intently, avidly chewing on anything she can get her hands on, watching her reflection in the mirror or carrying on dialog with me... I appreciate the fact that i am HERE. I am not at work dealing with emails, calling international partners, talking with concerned parents... I am at home, in my pajamas watching our baby grow and develop.

Walking. This is a lovely treat that those in the working work don't have access to like I do these days. We have a dog who likes and needs to be walked, we now have a baby who needs stimulation... and i have all the time in the world. Being able to go for a walk (in my pjs no less) is a huge bonus. Granted it takes some prep time- dressing the baby appropriately, strapping her in or on (baby carriers are the best!), finding the dog's leash, grabbing an adequate supply of poop bags (for the dog) and actually getting out the door before the rain or snow starts to fall can be a challenge... but walking with the baby and dog is good fun and something I know I will miss.

Nursing. So there are those people for it and those people who find it a bit nasty what with the nipple and such... I never really formulated an opinion on it before Autumn came into our life... but we decided we would give it a go and although it was no picnic at the start- it is now something I truly enjoy. Being able to feed Autumn is a great joy and one that I will likely miss when I go back to work (although I will visit her daycare during my lunch hours to feed her) ... sometimes she can't latch on properly because she spends too much time looking up at me smiling... other times she is all business and gets right down to it... still other times she prefers snacking and rolls her head around checking out the scenery before getting right back to task... At this point I am truly enjoying nursing Autumn. I have spend a good deal of time wondering why the hell I had these boobs and now as I look down at her eating I am reassured. Now granted, there is going to be a time where I will probably want my body back, a time where I don't necessarily want to whip them out in public, a time when I get tired of dressing for it (do I have the right bra on? does this shirt provide easy access?, do I have a supply of breast pads?)- but for now- nursing is a big plus for both of us.

4pm tv. Let's be honest, for those of us who work an 8-5pm job- by about 4pm you are exhausted- you have been talking, meeting, emailing, conferencing, presenting, preparing, calculating, teaching, managing ALL day long. By about 4pm (if not 3pm) you are ready to call it a day. Well, thankfully Autumn's schedule seems to such that by about 4pm she is ready for a snack and maybe a little nappy. Her timing is already perfect- because as much as I hate to admit this... I like Oprah. I do, I like her show and if I don't like her show on a particular day- I probably will be somewhat interested in the Ellen show. So, after a day of baby stimulating, walking, cleaning, changing, nursing, driving, making funny faces and sounds- by 4pm I am ready to chill a bit- sit on the couch, feed the baby and wind down.

Even though throughout the days there is a lot of time when I ask myself "Is she being adequately stimulated?, Am I doing enough for her? What else does she need?" when I finally have to go back to work I know I will miss her desperately.

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